Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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