Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
