It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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