I feel like abortions should bother me more
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
