I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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