we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Randomize
