Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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