maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
