she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize