did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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