can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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