There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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