I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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