he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
