I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
