You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
