I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Randomize
