Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
