I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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