Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
