May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
