One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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