I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
