omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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