I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
