hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
