I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
