Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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