do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
