I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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