just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
