do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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