shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
accomplished twins. life is a go
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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