You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
