Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
