You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
