Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
