omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
