five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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