You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
