i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
