I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
