So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
