She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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