Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
