he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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