Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
