After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I touched a dick in church today
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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