i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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