I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
