just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
