sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
