my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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