Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize