I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
