Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you didnt know i had herpes?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
