Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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