when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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