Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
