u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize