Yo dont text me then not text me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
