You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
